While today is for sure supposed to be a happy day spent with family, it has also been a day of reflection for me and how far I have come the past few weeks. I wanted the chance to share my story with you all on this happy day and give you a little bit of insight as to why I haven't been writing.
I think that we can all agree that at one time or another we have all gone through this horrible thing known as heartbreak. It sucks and it physically hurts to a point where you feel like nothing good could ever come from the way you feel. Well. I am here to say that good does come from the bad.
It just takes time.
For those of you who don't know, I broke up with my boyfriend of over almost a year and a half about 4 weeks ago. It was harsh and messy but I have learned so much about myself. Looking back at myself the past year or so I have really seemed to struggle with myself and finding who I am and being genuinely happy, and that might not be his fault per say, but how can you give someone your all if you don't even give yourself that? Not even attempting to say the whole thing about "loving yourself before someone else" but I think that I have come to a point where I am comfortable with myself but I just wasn't happy and how can you try to make someone else happy when you yourself aren't happy. I decided to cut things off and try and figure out what makes me happy.
Break-ups suck because the smallest thing can trigger you into wanting to just run back. And I did multiple times. But I finally had someone who shook me and said "This isn't you, can't you see that?" That really hit me. I realized that this was something that was no longer beneficial for myself and I was finding myself constantly questioning myself and how I felt, so I left for good this time.
It has been almost a month since we were together and right now I can say that I have never been happier. Yes, it hurts and there are for sure moments where I wonder if it was the right thing but the support system I have behind me has been nothing but the best. Sometimes you have to be selfish and that is okay.
It is okay to be selfish when it comes to your happiness. And if that means that you need to step back and feel some pain for awhile that is okay. It isn't going to feel good in the moment to lose something that you put so much energy into but it also isn't going to feel good when you have put so much in only to look back and realize that you have nothing left for yourself.
Proverbs 3:5-6 says “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” I think this really just kind of sums it all up,that there is a greater plan than a relationship ending, it all happens for a reason.
I think that this post is TREMENDOUSLY rambly- but I think that it made the point I wanted it to make.
Enjoy this time with loved ones, and make the most out of every moment.
XOXO-
Kait
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